What I want in the New Year.

I want security.

I want friendship.

I want to feel like I have a soft place to land if I fall.

I want to feel like someone has my back.

Like the sincerity of an arm around me.

I want to feel safe.

I want to be wanted and needed.

I want to feel like I can relax.

I want to be able to feel like I can take a deep breath and feel the tension evaporate from my shoulders and neck.

I want to feel like if I fall, someone will catch me.

I’m tired of bracing for impact.

I’m tired of feeling one small disaster away from complete catastrophe. 

I miss having someone I can call and talk to about whatever I’m feeling without feeling apprehension.

I miss having a best friend.

I miss being part of a family.

I miss having that one someone to hang out with that was always happy to just be together with you.

I wish I’d known how precious that was.

I wish I could go home, wherever that is. 

I want something to look forward to. 

I want to feel elated.

I want to savor the small things.

I want to have hope so strong that things happen when I hope for them.

I want to believe that I deserve good things.

I am trying.